How Not to Act on J-Date

Have you joined my incredibly non-annoying, once-in-a-while email newsletter?

So based on the success of “What not to do if you don’t get the job,” this week, we’re proud to bring you “How not to act on J-Date.”


This was emailed to me (don’t bother to ask by who, I promised secrecy) and it’s about three or so weeks old. And before you give me crap for posting it, trust me, it was forwarded about 22 times before it hit me, so it’s definitely out there. I’m not printing anything that doesn’t already exist.

Our story opens with some background: For the uninitiated, (those who don’t live in either New York, Florida, Los Angeles, or Israel,) J-Date is for Jews. I’ve used it. I’ve had a few good dates from it, a few horrible dates from it, like most everyone has.

And when you have one of those horrible dates, you chalk it up. “Oh, it was just dinner,” you say.

That’s life. There’ll be other dates. Right?

I mean, that’s what we all do, yes?

NOT DARREN SHERMAN. Darren just felt… Well, “wronged.”

So let’s start here: Darren’s profile reads:

About me:
I joined JDate four weeks ago. Cute, tall and funny best describes me!
I am a person whom is usually on the go, particularly in the warm
weather. In the summertime you can typically find me on the beaches in the
Hampton’s or New Jersey shore. In the wintertime I enjoy taking drives
to beautiful towns such as Lambertsville, Red Bank, Katonah, Port
Jefferson and Greenwich. “People watching” can be an easily enjoyable
activity for me. I own a management consulting firm assisting financial
institutions with regulatory issues. I travel extensively for business and
I am looking for:
I am on JDate to find someone special. I have no set rules per se on
dating someone younger/older (20-40). I have learned that age really does
not matter; so why limit any possibilities in finding a life long
partner. Wouldn’t you agree? Physcial characteristics: Preferably tall and
medium build. Mentally: Fun and easy going. Someone who is comfortable
with themselves. I love a good jokester so please be funny!
Below is a little bit more about me from a professional perspective.
(Hey, JDating is serious business 🙂
Biography of Darren L. Sherman:
Mr. Darren L. Sherman is CEO of <company deleted to give the guy at least somewhat of a chance of recovering from his stupidity at some point in his life from a business perspective, anyway,> a
consultation firm providing regulatory compliance and internal audit
assistance to..blah blah. Darren previously served as a Senior
Investigator for the <government agency deleted>..blah blah.
References are available upon request 🙂

I hope we get the chance to finally meet!



So Darren asks Joanne out. Joanne accepts. They eat at China Grill. (Nice restaurant. I’ve been there.) Darren pays, despite Joanne offering to split the check.

At some point after the meal, Darren gets the idea that Joanne didn’t like him.

Rather than just chalk it up to a bad date (hey, it happens, right?) Darren… Well, Darren has other plans.


Yes. I paused and re-read that about 30 times, too.

I couldn’t be serious, could I? He actually didn’t email that, did he? Oh, but he did:

From: Darren Sherman
Date: Jun 19, 2006 8:48 PM
Subject: Date
[email protected]
: <
mailto:[email protected]>

Sorry things didn’t work out. I guess you changed your
Here is my address for the $50 bucks:
<DELETED> East <DELETED>  Street, Apt. 504
NY NY 10028
Take care,


OK. So Darren’s a bit odd. Fine. He emailed her, she didn’t respond, and he let it go. Right?

Come on. What kind of story would that be?


(Insert Jerry Springer “OH NO HE DIDN’T” line here.)

But he did.

Listen here:

Download VM-01-1.wav

So Joanne goes to work, after hearing that email on her mobile phone voice mail the night before, and before she can even say the world “stalker,” she gets the following email:

From: Darren Sherman
Date: Jun 20, 2006 8:13 AM
Subject: Darren
[email protected]
: <
mailto:[email protected]>


I wanted to follow up on my email and call to you last night to ensure you received my messages for the $50.

Please acknowledge by replying to this email that you will be sending me the $50.

I hope you understand from my point of view.



Um… OK. This is just getting weird. It ends here, right.

Heh. Yeah. Right.

Joanne sends the following email back to Darren:


I just received your emails and also your message from last night. I  was away and am just getting back this morning. I had every intention of calling you andmeeting to go out but your email has completely turned me off and i find it extremely tacky. I will not be sending you any money since i offered that night to pay and you told me no that you would take care of it.

Please do not call me or send me another email i would rather not hear from you at all. And for future reference in the dating world you may want to rethink the tacky approach about asking someone for money like that perhaps that is why you haven’t met anyone or have seen them again.


Go Joanne!! Way to show a backbone! Nice!

This, of course, (as you could have guessed,) just sends Darren to the next level.


From: Darren Sherman
Date: Jun 20, 2006 10:22 AM
Subject: American Express Bill
[email protected]
: <
mailto:[email protected]>

FOOD-BEV 107.83
TIP 20.00
Reference No: 320061560288086573
More Detail

Do the right thing Joanne.



Words fail me.

About four hours later, DarrenStalker (TM) strikes again, sending another voice mail, telling Joanne that she’s “hiding behind email,” and now he’s going to “contact her employer.”

There aren’t big enough letters on my keyboard to type “WTF?”

Listen here, and try not to snort soda out of your nose.

Download VM-02-2.wav

After receiving this barrage of communications, Joanne decides to fire  off an email to Darren to end this once and for all:

From: [email protected]
: <
mailto:[email protected]>
Date: Jun 20, 2006 2:38 PM
To: Darren Sherman


I am truly sorry it didn’t work out. You seemed like a nice guy, but  after your voice mails you have now entered the world of a first class creep.  Dating is not business, I offered to go dutch at the time the bill  came and you declined, as far as I am concerned that is the end of the  story. I didn’t know that your paying the bill was contingent on me  going out with you again.

Once again, I think you need to look internally as to why things are  not working out for you in the dating world. You had mentioned that  you had been burned several times, and I am sorry if you feel that it  has happened to you again, but perhaps it is your approach in dealing  with others that leads to this. Dating and relationships and business  are completely different and there is not a quid pro quo for eating  and drinking on a date. If this is how you think it works, perhaps you  should get consult a professional who I could take care of all of your  needs. If I remember correctly it was your choice to go out for  dinner, I would have been just as happy to take a walk in the park to get to know you.

With that said, please feel free to call my employer or issue a  summons if you think that this will help. Your message has said that  you will not drop this, and I am not one to be bullied or threatened.  I have saved all your messages and if you chose to go ahead with your  threats then I will be more than happy to notify the proper  authorities and get a restraining order. I will also let your clients  and employees know about your erratic and bizarre behavior.



I do love her backbone.

Does this phase Stalker-Darren? (Who should totally be a comic strip character and should fight the Green Lantern or something…)

No, it does not phase Stalker-Darren.

Darren calls her OFFICE, again threatening the summons, and offering up this pearl of Darren-Wisdom: “You ate the food, you drank the wine, Pay your bill.”

Words fail me here, guys. And seriously – for a publicist? That’s rare.

Listen here:

Download VM-03-3.wav

And of course, much like the Ginsu Knives commercial, just wait. There’s MORE!

After another 28 minutes, Darren calls her cell phone AGAIN!! This time, (and I implore you – sit down for this one) he lets Joanne know that he’s CALLED CHINA GRILL TO REPORT A DISCREPENCY IN THE BILL!

Yes, you read that right. Darren has told Joanne that he called China Grill to speak to the General Manager to explain that he should not have been charged for the entire meal – i.e., He expects China Grill to call Joanne and get her half of the bill, and credit his AmEx.
People, I have no motive for lying. You can’t make this stuff up. Listen to the fourth voice mail here:

Download VM-04-4.wav

Finally, the fifth voice mail. From CHINA GRILL! They called, apparently as confused as we all are, asking Joanne what the heck was going on.

Download VM-05.WAV

PR props to China Grill – When Joanne told them the story, they not only told her to not worry about the bill, but offered her a free drink the next time she stopped in. WELL DONE, China Grill’s GM. Someone got their PR training. Bravo.

At this point, kids, that’s where our story ends. Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Darren Sherman – Perhaps he’s filing a “stop payment” on his Amex Bill… Or perhaps he’s given up J-Date all together.

One thing we do know, though – (and how many times have I said this?) It you put it out there, either on a voice mail, email, fax, or the Internet, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass.

You don’t believe me?

Just ask Darren Sherman.

Join the discussion 11 Comments

  • asd says:

    to say that its human nature is demeaning to women. if women are equal to men, they should also pay equal. however in this case its clearly just him taking out his anger at being rejected

  • asd says:

    to say that its human nature is demeaning to women. if women are equal to men, they should also pay equal. however in this case its clearly just him taking out his anger at being rejected

  • Michael Smith says:

    A J is a J

  • Michael Smith says:

    A J is a J

  • Shannypants says:

    What the actual fuck?!

  • Shannypants says:

    What the actual fuck?!

  • John Doe says:

    Darren is a weirdo. Included in his backstory is a forced resignation from a government job. In case you didn’t know, that’s hard to do.

  • dotcalm says:

    Threatening to go to a woman’s (or man’s) boss with a personal gripe is over the top. Attempting to embarrass a person at her job… a summons…? I don’t know if I would have given him money or not – he definitely is creepy and I’d want him gone.
    Early on I would have picked three points and just kept emailing them – “You chose the restaurant,” “I had offered the money and you said no,” “I was out of town and you threatened me with legal action before i could even respond to you.” I would just keep reiterating that over and over – he did not respond to those points when she mentioned them, clearly avoiding THAT dialog. Maybe she should say, “I’ll pay up when you address MY points.”
    He’s looking for a woman to push around; good thing she wasn’t around to call him for that second date – she got to see his true nature before it was too late.

  • BelmontPublicLibrary says:

    I wonder what happened to this dude.

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