It should always be about them – Except when you're clueless

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So I get an email today, criticizing me for congratulating the Giants in the HARO this morning by using the term “my NY Giants.” Apparently, I’m pompous and self-centered for saying “My” as opposed to “Our.”

I responded that today, after an awesome win, I think everyone in NYC considers the Giants “theirs,” and more importantly, is that really the most important thing for them to worry about in their busy day?

To which I get this vitriolic reply, stating that I’m completely full of shit, and that I’m nothing but a braggart, who should learn to be nicer to people. Me. I should learn to be nicer to other people. The guy who invites anyone to ask me any question, anytime, about anything. Me. I should be nicer to people because some idiot told me that I’m a terrible person for calling them “My Giants.” OK.

Funny thing was, that didn’t bother me so much as the way the person framed his reply. He started with this: “Well, I have two degrees in Psychology, and I can tell you that…”

That right there pretty much caused me to tune him out. (Well that and two other things: His AOL address (I know it shouldn’t matter, but we all know it does,) and his signature file, which included his mobile number, and next to it, the words “Don’t ever text me.”) That’s fine. Between your “no texting” rule and your AOL address, 1991 called, they want you back. Go hang out with C+C Music Factory while you’re at it.

Look – I usually spend most my time explaining that our lives should be primarily about helping other people. More specifically, I suggest that if we help other people, then any self-promotion we do becomes more about “helping” and less about “self-promotion, and that’s beneficial to us. And I stand by that.

But – The problem comes when someone tries to use “help” as a way to just start shit, which is exactly what Mr. “2 degrees and don’t text me” did. His whole email to me was based on him “helping me” “I’m trying to help you better yourself.” Specifically, he informed me that (his words now) no one who reads the HARO cares where you are or that you’re wiping your ass.” So in his 2-degree mind, he probably honestly believed that he was doing me a benefit by insulting me and telling me that every way I run the HARO was in fact, wrong. Never mind the fact that I’ve built HARO into a multi-million dollar business, helped thousands of businesses grow, and made thousands of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances along the way – Because 2-degree man thought I was pompous, then of course, I must be, and every single one of you who consider yourselves my friend, is 100% wrong. Shame on you.

So I offer you this: Help, when asked for, is a benefit, a great thing, and can allow you to not only grow your business, but increase your positive brand, increase your revenues, bring you new clients, and yes, even help friends out. But – When it’s not asked for, and you present it like the way our friend did above, chances are pretty high that you’re going to look like a douche.

You’ll look like a douche if you offer non-asked for help in a douchey way, as well. Tell me that “no one cares when I wipe my ass” is something reserved for my wife to say to me, and maybe not even then. Want to help? Don’t be a douche. Be nice. Or, if someone really pisses you off that much, simply ignore them! What could you possibly expect to get out of “helping” me the way you did this morning? Did you think I’d thank you for your attempt, after telling me how much I piss you off? If we were friends for years? Sure – Go for it. Tell me to change – I’d appreciate that. But here’s the thing: I have no idea who this guy is. For that matter, I don’t know if he’s male or female, because he has an AOL address (one name, no first or last name) and the signature file was too busy telling me “DON’T TEXT ME” for me to care.

I guess my point here is this: Wanting to help isn’t the same as criticizing. Until you know the difference, perhaps you shouldn’t offer? You’d think after two psychology degrees, one would – But hey… What do I know? I just spend all my time helping people the right way – Usually via text – And from a real email account.


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